Woohoo! I had a pretty good day today. I ditched work and my classes. Sigh. I had too. I needed a break. I took a nice long walk down Pasadena. With the sun shinning through the clear blue sky, it was beautiful. I don’t usually like walking, but today was an exception. I wasn’t afraid, I didn’t have any panic attacks. I guess paxil was working afterall. I wouldn’t need paxil if I was okay about myself. I still haven’t come to terms with it. I was so close to telling my little sister tonight. I wonder what tomorrow would’ve been like if I did. Someday… Honor, courage and commitment. Hoo-wah.
I wasn’t able to dress up for Halloween. I was going to borrow my friend’s Army camouflage uniform but I couldn’t find the right moment to ask. I had also thought about bribing a Marine to borrow his uniform but I didn’t have the guts to ask. Continue reading
I’m not doing as well as I have expected in my Biology class. I’m a bit disappointed with my test results, having recieved a C instead of an A. I probably made careless mistakes on the exam since I felt I knew the material. Hopefully I’ll do better on today’s exam. On the bright side, I’m doing very well in lab.
On an even better note, my grades from last semester were much better than I have expected! In fact, they’re the best grades I have recieved in any given semester. Maybe I stand some chance in getting accepted to Syracuse University afterall.
Life is great. You heard that right. You wouldn’t hear me saying that a few years ago, but I have changed. =)
Sometimes I feel as if I’m a penguin swimming among a herd of orcas. Disguised to look and act like one of them, I am always fearful that they might see through my deception and attack me. Along my journey, I see other penguins like me, in disguise and swimming with fear. Some brave penguins have proudly discarded their disguise and faced the wraith of the attacking orcas. The lucky ones survived without a scratch, while others have become matyrs. There is a legend of some far off island where we can free to discard our disguises without fear of retalation. But alas I only see a vast expanse of ocean full of orcas. Maybe someday I’ll find this island, but not today.
Yesterday, I had to do one of the hardest things in my life. Some have said that the truth will free you. Why does it feel like another chain around my neck? Have I lived with the lie for so long that I would embrace it rather than the bitter truth.
*Honor:* I will bear true faith and allegiance …